More than 60,000 people remain missing from the conflicts in Bosnia, Croatia and Serbia. There are no official records of their death, and while many families have accepted that they will never know where they are buried, others continue to believe that their loved ones are still alive. More than 50 associations have been founded in the former Yugoslavia to assist these families, persevering though the scarce information released by governments and lengthy processes for identifying bodily remains. In time, these associations realized that in order to succeed, they needed to align their efforts and work together to exert effective pressure on political leaders.

Initially, the idea of reaching agreement among Serbs, Croats, Bosnian Muslims, Bosnian Serbs and Bosnian residents of Herzegovina was extremely daunting. However, in cooperation with an international team that included representatives from the U.S., Bosnia and Bulgaria, Partners-Slovakia developed a program to tackle the issue and build consensus among the associations. The team first facilitated dialogues with representatives of the associations from the three countries, and worked to reach agreement on mutual sharing of information and identifying strategies for engaging governments. Then, the team provided a series of trainings and facilitated workshops for participants that focused on building their capacity to work together.

The initial discussions were extremely difficult, and clearly marked by the post-war syndrome of survivors. Over the first several months, crying, accusations, naming the tortured and dead on all sides of the conflict, and reproaches towards nationalists and the international community frequently interrupted the discussions. With time and sustained effort, however, the team was able to move the group in a more positive direction towards concrete goals. At a key point in the dialogue, a Croat participant who lost her son turned to the group and said, “Each of us has our own pain and we shall have it until we die. But let’s be reasonable and not attack each other. None of us sitting here has started this war. Those who started it…none of those lost their child... We have…Let us not accuse one another. Let’s direct our anger where it belongs – up there at the politician talking so nicely – who are the origin of violence...”

One year into the project, representatives from the associations have successfully accepted one another, utilizing the meetings and regular newsletters as vehicles for information exchange and mutual dialogue. And, significantly, the associations have begun to conduct their activities in a dialogue with the Bosnian, Croatian and Serbian governments.